ThoughtI’ve always had one perspective when it came to sexual intercourse, it was wrong. Perhaps my mother managed to drill into my head that it was a horrible, shameful thing, or maybe I just taught myself that it was a disrespectful, dirty thing to do to yours and another’s body. I can’t honestly say I know why I started thinking this way about it, but what I do know is that it simply seemed like something that just wasn’t for me. I never really argued myself on it, and I never really thought about it.
Although it was still an extremely “hot” topic while I was in junior high, I chose to listen to those conversations instead of becoming one of those conversations. It was pretty easy to avoid it all in junior high, easy enough actually. People seemed more persistent while I was in high school, but I always managed to find some way to get them to give up in the end. Friends and peers were the easy ones to get rid of. My real problem came from someone I least expected. My very own cousin. I have an older cousin who shall not be named for more private reasons. Nonetheless, she and I practically grew up together.
She was only about a year and a few months older than me. We could’ve possibly come out from the same mother. We were somewhat the same when it came to size, looks, preferences; I could relate to her on just about anything and everything. The only thing we ever argued about was sexual intercourse. It seemed to me that she saw it as something that everybody should be doing to everyone. This seemed so unsanitary to me that it made me sick just simply thinking about it. We were constantly trying to avoid the topic, just because we both knew it would always end up in a fight.
We were doing quite well; until the summer before my freshman year that is. My parents were going out of town for a month, for a vacation for themselves. That meant my sister and I were going to have to stay behind ourselves. My sister immediately insisted on staying with my grandmother, while I volunteered to stay with my aunt, little did I know that this would soon be the worst mistake I had ever made in my 15 years of life. It only took me the first night to realize how much I was about to regret this decision.
My aunt was going off to work like she normally does, while my cousin was just trying to find boys to go to the house while her mother was gone. The idea of having a boy in the house without an adult made me feel uneasy, and quite uncomfortable, but it was my cousins house and I knew that as a guest I had to respect all her wishing’s and doings, even if they did completely go against everything I felt was morally correct. That first night she had two different boys go over and she took them both to her room without another thought and locked herself in there with them. What happened after was quite obvious to not be able to realize.
I did my best to keep myself occupied and avoided hearing them under any and every circumstance. After they had fulfilled their filthy desires I could do nothing but look at my cousin with utter disgust. I protested against sleeping in her bed that night, it seemed too unsanitary. The next day I asked for permission to stay at my grandmother’s house with my younger sister. I never know what’s going on through my cousins mind when she is doing nonsense with boys, nore do I care to know. In the end she is still my family and if she chooses that way of life then I have to just respect that. That does not mean I have to stay around it though.