A Man In The Crowd

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It is an odd occurrence for me not to get along and be functional in a group setting even around people that I’ve never met. It doesn’t happen to me very often where I feel like “a stranger in the village” but I just so happen to have had one of those situations very recently, three weeks ago I had a party at my house, not for myself or my friends but for my legal guardians family. Who didn’t even know I existed up until they came out to see him and found me waiting to show them around, the first person to arrive was his brother bobby with his wife and children.

I welcomed them warmly, offering my hand to each of them to shake as I introduced myself and told them who I was and how I knew Steve ( my legal guardian) and showed them to the area next to my pool where we had set up all the food, drinks and other such comforts necessary for a successful party. It was right around this time that Steve came outside from the house accompanied by the nose tingling scent of spices from the steak he was preparing, that he planned on grilling later in the party.

By this time his mother, father, and his other brother rick showed up with their own children, having met his father and his father’s wife before I was not to put off, but upon meeting rick and his wife, who I must say thinks herself to be god’s gift to mankind, brushed aside my offer to introduce myself. At the time I didn’t think too much about it other than the fact that they thought they were too good to integrate with me. Then throughout the party as more and more of Steve’s family showed up rick insisted on calling me “bub” instead of my name which he refused to learn.

I felt more and more out of place because nobody would hold eye contact except for the kids all of who were under the age of thirteen, and none of them would really try to talk to me when I offered up a conversation topic of which I thought we could talk about, but they preferred to talk amongst themselves with no intention or care thereof of talking to me or vice versa. So as the party progressed and the thirty plus members of this gathering got comfortable, they met up with the relatives that they had not seen in a while.

I got progressively more timid and reclusive, and started to fumble things in my hands such as bottles, I actually dropped a plate of food too. Which angered me because the steak I had just bit into was delicious and mouthwatering. I’m not a clumsy person, I’m very aware of what’s going on and normally have very good reflexes this is the first inkling that I got that I actually felt totally out of place, like I didn’t belong there, which upon reflection I realize I didn’t belong there among another person’s family even though it was at my house.

As the party wore on I secluded myself more and more from the people at my house until I was on the porch, attempting to watch the bucs game but since we were losing I wasn’t paying to much attention, alone except for Steve’s father who I knew, it was here that I spent the remainder of my time until thankfully the people left and I could once again have free range of the entire expanse of my property. Looking back on this know I realize it was foolish of me to expect these complete strangers who didn’t even know of my existence, to talk or socialize with me.

Even though they came to my house and took advantage of every comfort that I provided them they still treated me like some kind of pariah, which I find deeply disturbing because I was nothing but kind and welcoming to them and their whining, annoying, disgusting excuses for children, looking back on it as I write this essay I realize that many members of his family such as rick and his wife and bobby’s wife and children saw themselves as above me ,which is why they wouldn’t socialize or interact with me.

Them viewing themselves as better than me doesn’t really bother me what bothered me was that they were so condescending as to think of me as some kind of butler to fetch food and drinks for them which is the only thing that I couldn’t get over and just thinking about is makes me angry.

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